In contrast to suffering, joy is one of the human emotions we look for in our daily lives. A compliment from a friend, the smile of a family member, a personal experience that makes us feel more alive and happy about being here. The world is full of joys to be had, but we must be mindful, and not partake of those which come at another's expense.
I recall the second vow of the Panca Sila, "not to take what is not given." As I've pondered this, it occurs to me that there may be several times we take joy at the cost of someone else's suffering, no matter how mild. I tend not to tell jokes as often, when I realize that their humor comes from either making a fool of the listener, or of the subject. I have found a disdain for schadenfreude, having experienced its' exercise in a group so badly it made me very uncomfortable, and having been the subject of it myself. I even feel unsatisfied when I hear of terrible events around the world, and react with sudden relief that "at least it's not me or my family..." but that joy comes only from the contrast of my situation with theirs, and they are suffering.
Compassionate ethics require we consider the source of our joy.
If we are truly compassionate, then the suffering of others becomes our own suffering. The cheap shots good for a momentary laugh taste bitter when we see them through the victim's eyes. Even the nice dinner out with one's family is balanced by the over-worked and often under-paid waitstaff doing their job so that we may pretend for a moment that life is without care.
As I find my joys in life, I am more focused on owning the cause of it, and recognizing the karma in attendance. "There is no free lunch" is an apt metaphor, as all things come with a price. Ultimately our happiness is always balanced by our sorrows, for that is the way of things all over the world and all throughout time. As we walk this earth with a gentle touch and compassionate spirit, let us not abuse others in our own pursuit of selfish and transitory pleasure, but find joy in our own work, in our own accomplishments, and in our own inner peace. Carrying that lamp of joy for yourself will lighten the burden of others around you, and the happiness one makes without taking away from others' day tastes so much sweeter.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Friday, July 1, 2016
The Witness of Suffering
Suffering is all around us, and often lurks under well-cloaked demeanor, clever disguise, and feigned interest in how our fellow human beings are really doing. As a compassionate witness, there is a duty to peel back these excuses, and engage people's true emotions in an ethical and loving way.
When I'm having a rough day, and people ask me how I'm doing, I have a range of choices in how to respond. If I'm in a hurry, or just don't want to get into things, I may just say "I'm fine" and let them off the hook in knowing that I'm not. I try to not do this often, because the truth is more often a downer that they don't know is coming, but I prefer to be truthful with my friends. The more I let people know that not all is well, the easier it is to gently describe a true reflection of my day without depressing everyone. The more in tune I've become to this, the more I realize others do it too, quite often. People put on the mask of "normal" and don't let others in, because the truthful conversation is just too hard to have some days.
Between our social culture of competitive displays of ideal living, constant social media input that only reflects the best of times and the excellent slivers of our days, we live under the impression that our "normal" state is quite worse than everyone else's, reinforcing our desire to put ourselves in a better light, whether it's truthful or not.
An antidote to this cultural sickness is to bear witness to the suffering of others. When we spend time with people who are facing real challenges, and do it with an honest intent to be with them, we find ourselves let into the secret of what they try to hide. We find ourselves seeing the human condition for what it really is, and not what we're assaulted with every day in the false signals of society. In doing so, we can see again how similar we are to each other and our divisions begin to fade and lose meaning. We become closer to seeing ourselves as brothers and sisters who have things in common that don't normally get shared, and this heals us in the process as well.
My next post will focus on the ethics of joy.
When I'm having a rough day, and people ask me how I'm doing, I have a range of choices in how to respond. If I'm in a hurry, or just don't want to get into things, I may just say "I'm fine" and let them off the hook in knowing that I'm not. I try to not do this often, because the truth is more often a downer that they don't know is coming, but I prefer to be truthful with my friends. The more I let people know that not all is well, the easier it is to gently describe a true reflection of my day without depressing everyone. The more in tune I've become to this, the more I realize others do it too, quite often. People put on the mask of "normal" and don't let others in, because the truthful conversation is just too hard to have some days.
Between our social culture of competitive displays of ideal living, constant social media input that only reflects the best of times and the excellent slivers of our days, we live under the impression that our "normal" state is quite worse than everyone else's, reinforcing our desire to put ourselves in a better light, whether it's truthful or not.
An antidote to this cultural sickness is to bear witness to the suffering of others. When we spend time with people who are facing real challenges, and do it with an honest intent to be with them, we find ourselves let into the secret of what they try to hide. We find ourselves seeing the human condition for what it really is, and not what we're assaulted with every day in the false signals of society. In doing so, we can see again how similar we are to each other and our divisions begin to fade and lose meaning. We become closer to seeing ourselves as brothers and sisters who have things in common that don't normally get shared, and this heals us in the process as well.
My next post will focus on the ethics of joy.
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